a little SPARKLE & lots of SHINE {Ava is ONE}

when I think of Ava many words flutter through my mind. sassy. full of spunk. vivacious. lively. our girl has so much personality it just oozes out of her. she has a little sparkle and lots of shine! I absolutely adore it. she constantly makes us laugh & chuckle. it doesn't matter where we go, she is just a smilin & a wavin. she hasn't met many strangers that she doesn't like. {just that one time in trader joes. hah!}

Ava reminds me of myself in some ways. outgoing. happy. extroverted. friendly. a people person. I can't go anywhere without people stopping to talk to her. and I love it! people say you have to be careful when you have a child so that you don't make them into what you want them to be. and to not make them like you. as parents we must allow our children to be who they want & not change who they are becoming. I find it great that she shares some of my personality, but even if she didn't I want her to be herself. I love all of her from the tip of her nose to the bottom of her toes. I cannot express how much joy she brings to our world.

she also has those sweet moments where all she wants is for mama or daddy to hold her. or cuddle her. where she's mellow & quiet. it melts me to the core of my heart. 

I hope you enjoy these amazing pictures as much as I do!

xoxo
Amanda

photo credits: Heather Papineau Photography
gold messy bow head wrap: RubyBlue Inc.
birthday babe onesie: Lola & Darla
skirt: Kardashian Kids Collection
mini birthday hat: Kutie Bow Tuties

the secret's OUT!!

secrets. oh goodness don't we all have them. some darker and deeper than others. but ya know what?! it's time that we come clean and share our secrets. so people will finally understand that we're not perfect. that even though our lives may seem fit together in a cute little decorated shiny box, it isn't always fun. and it isn't always great. and it definitely isn't perfect.

a few weeks ago I was jammin to some music in the car {you know, the usual}...I heard this song on the radio, which inspired me to write this post. click here to have a listen. you may end up loving it as much as I do!

the secret's are out folks ---

my guilty pleasure is watching the ABC series Revenge
I love my butt
I sometimes need a wake up call so I'm not late
I'm always late
I'm scared of the dark
I sometimes yell
I'm a smother mother {is there such a thing as cuddling too much?!}
I don't like being compared side by side to my twin sister
I don't like my teeth
I get freaked out watching scary movies {precisely why I don't watch scary movies}
I sometimes cry during commercials
I love when my hubby wears cologne
I have a fear of drowning from a huge wave {meanwhile I love the beach}
I sleep nude
I wear my heart on my sleeve
I pierced my nose for a boyfriend
I have what you might call a Type A personality
I sometimes laugh when my daughter cries {she's still so cute}
I eat too much candy

now that the secret's out it's up to me on how to handle them. know this -- I will pray long & hard for God to remove my fears. to help me be content with who I am. to live for the future and not live for the past.  to have self control.

I know I'm not the only one! I'm tired of people judging me. hating on my life. I've decided to stop caring about what other people think. it's quite nice on this side of the judgement track. won't you join me?!

"I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are. so what!" - Secrets by Mary Lambert

xoxo
Amanda

my birth story

this is our story. the story of how our little Ava greeted the world:

when we found out I was pregnant we signed up for a birthing class right away. we wanted to be as knowledgable as we could about the birthing process. we used the Bradley Method of husband-coached natural childbirth. this method is based on relaxing through the contractions with normal breathing & the husband being the coach. I knew this was the route to take after watching 3 natural births {my twin sister & my sister in law} all of which used the Bradley Method. I felt so prepared. we felt prepared. {ladies encourage your husbands to read The Husband-Coached Childbirth: The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth. Bryan read this & was totally encouraged about the birthing process.}

I was 40 weeks & 1 day when my water broke in the wee hours of the morning. 3:00am to be exact. I had just gone back to bed after having to go pee {oh you know, for the 4th or 5th time}. I woke Bryan up to tell him. he was dead asleep when I rattled him. he literally jumped out of bed. we went back to sleep so we wouldn't be tired in the morning. {I knew that I wasn't in active labor & who wants to go to the hospital at 3:00am anyway!?}

with so much excitement I barely slept. my contractions were consistently 10 minutes apart. we spent all day laboring at home. that was our plan. the hours were a blure. my mom joined the party in the afternoon. we walked. we watched a movie. {tip: if you're not ready to go to the hospital, do something to take your mind off of the contractions...like watching your favorite movie. your favorite tv show. playing a game.} we walked some more. it was a chilly & windy day so I really didn't have the desire to walk, but I knew I needed to. I sore I would walk that girl out! some of our neighbors came outside knowing that I was a girl on a mission to get the baby OUT.

we went to the hospital around 8pm. when we arrived there was no room available. {I felt like Mary with baby Jesus! haha} I was contracting & didn't have a room to stay in! I was in pain. I was furious. tired. thankfully, shortly after we arrived we got settled into a room. the nurse asked questions & took my vitals. I was only dilated 2cm! what?! after the long day I just knew it had to be more than 2 measly cm! I wanted to cry.

because I was approaching 24 hours with my water broken my midwife insisted that I be induced with pitocin. I got mad. I yelled. I cried. I cried some more. I was devastated. our plan was to use no medication whatsoever. I felt defeated. there was nothing I could do. I was so ready to meet Ava. the nursing staff allowed me to walk the halls until it was time to induce.

I didn't get the pitocin til close to midnight. I was scared that it would cause excruciating contractions that would be unbearable. but it wasn't. yes, they came fast. they came strong. then they came faster & stronger. but I was determined. I was so focused on relaxing through my contractions. taking it one contraction at a time. there was no going back. Bryan was there for {almost} every contraction. a guy's gotta go to the bathroom right?! we had a great support system. a great team. I held onto Bryan for each contraction while my mom put pressure on my lower back {I had more back labor}. I don't know if I could have done it without them.

we were so tired. Bryan's legs were literally going weak. I was falling asleep amidst each contraction. I would wake with fear that a contraction was coming. I started feeling the urge to push. my midwife was no where to be found. {ahem...do find a good midwife} they wanted me to stop pushing but I didn't want to. I couldn't. the nurse checked & I was dilated 8cm. unknowingly I was actually 10cm, but they wanted to wait for the midwife.

when it was finally time to push I took it nice & slow. I had my husband. my mom. my sister. my sister in law. each holding an arm. {or a leg.} cheering me on. I was in the zone. I was so ready. I pushed a total of 4 times. then there she was! our sweet girl. she was a dream. it was so very surreal for me. I didn't cry like I thought I would. it was just so surreal. so much adrenaline was going through me. we had our girl. the one we waited for.

throughout the whole birthing process one thing remained. prayer. I was praying. my husband was beside me praying. my family was in the waiting room on their knees praying for me.  one of my best friends Jenn Lee was at home praying. I know there were others & for that I am extremely grateful. those prayers were what got me through that birth. it was hard. it was painful. yet it was SO worth it.

I would love to say that my birth story went how I envisioned. but this is my story. in the end we have a beautiful gift. a beautiful daughter. our Ava. in the end it doesn't matter if you get an epidural. if you have a c-section. or if you birthed at home. what truly matters is that you have a cuddly baby that is healthy & alive.

to all my prego friends out there ---->>> get knowledgable about the birthing process. read books. watch videos. talk to other moms. join a community group of moms. do your research. you have a say. of course your story will be different from mine. from any other mom. it will be your story. so get to know your story before it even begins.

my sister in law, Jessica has begun her journey as a doula. if you're prego & would like to know more about her services call her! 757.718.2031.

these are just a few great resources for your journey of pregnancy:

- Book: Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way
- Book: The Husband-Coached Childbirth: The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth
- Book: Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy
- Book: On Becoming Babywise
- Video: The Business of Being Born

xoxo
Amanda

squishing spiders & love at 1st sight.

for laughs. there are so many things that I never thought I would do or have to do when I became a mama. squishing spiders with my bare hands is one of them. no matter how small or large I still cringe. and shriek every. single. time.

here are some more "now-that-I'm-a-mama" moments ----

• I wipe snot from my daughters nose onto my pants. or shirt. especially when there isn't a tissue in sight. and sometimes even when there is a tissue in sight. 

• I wipe snot from someone else's kid onto my pants. or shirt. 

• sometimes I don't shower for 2 or 3 days. I just need 2 extra squirts of my beloved "escada taj sunset" perfume. you do what you gotta do! hah!

• I sit in the car for 15 or 20 extra minutes so my daughter gets a "decent" nap before grocery shopping. 

• I pee with the door open. with my daughter inches beside because she can't bare for me to be away. haha. privacy? what privacy?! overrated. 

• I worry so much about nutrition so my daughter doesn't starve.  

• I rarely shop for myself & spend most money on those oh so sweet baby {kids} clothes. but how can I resist those baby jeans...or the fur vest. or...

• I have gone out to dinner in my workout clothes because I just didn't care what people would think. 

• I sometimes eat food that my darling daughter has thrown on the floor, so it doesn't go to waste. 

but now-that-I'm-a-mama I also...

• know love at first sight. she was loved the moment we laid eyes on her. 

• love the way her face lights up when she sees daddy walk through that back door after work.

• adore holding her & cuddling her right before bedtime. 

• never thought I could smile or laugh as much as I do when I am around my daughter. 

• make some silly faces & dance like a corn ball just to see her smile. to hear her laugh.

• have fun teaching her new ideas & concepts. 

• get so excited when she wears certain outfits that make her extra cute. because let's face it. she's practically my childhood baby doll in living color. 

• cherish waking up each morning to the sound of her chatting away...and the look on her face when I greet her...melts my heart everytime. 

I must know ---- what are some things YOU do that you never thought you would do before you had a baby?

I am a firm believer in tithing.

it's no secret that I love to shop. I love finding the steal of a deal. exactly what I've been looking for. I shop the sale rack. the clearance section. I'm a bargain hunter. and dare I say every now & then I fall in love with a full priced item. I love shoes. I also love finding that oh so perfect accessory to match every outfit. for me. for Ava too. right now it's the end of the month and we're waiting to get that paycheck.

today I wanted to shop. but God prompted me. stopped me. I'm still learning to be a good steward of God's money. I decided to wait. so I wouldn't need to pay with that beloved credit card. because God blesses those who wait. {The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him." Lamentations 3:25}

so instead we went for a run. I ran. Ava strolled. around the neighborhood we went. on the ground in front of me sat 2 dollars. you know I picked those dollars up. some might question it as 2 measly dollars. but it wasn't only 2 measly dollars to me. it was God's way of showing me that he blessed me because I waited.

Chinese Laundry - Nordstrom. Steve Madden - my lovely sister. Oxford's - TJ Maxx. 

I am a firm believer that God looks down on us & provides wherever we are in need. I am a firm believer in tithing. {Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need." Malachi 3:10} God has always provided for my family when we faithfully tithed. one prime example was finishing college. I wanted to attend Regent University, but the tuition was much too great. but God did what he faithfully does. he stepped in. he provided a way. God blessed me with a 40% discount on tuition because of my previous academics. we continued to faithfully tithe and each semester we were somehow able to save enough money to pay each year's tuition off. that was with God's help. we give all glory to Him. 

{"...God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7} we cheerfully give each month because we want to. sometimes I even put a smiley face on the check before I drop it into the offering bucket. I smile when I write the tithe check because I know that God will bless us. at one time there was doubt in my mind about God's blessings. but not anymore. 

I have seen the blessings and favor of faithfully tithing in others' lives as well. I have seen medical bills vanish. I have seen people receive promotions. bonuses. I have seen businesses flourish in the middle of a recession. and much more. {Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together & running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you see, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38} this verse is one I heard many times growing up. my mom engrained it in my head and I am forever grateful. because it's so true. 

don't be mistaken though. this verse doesn't always mean that God will give you money every time you ask for it. he blesses us in MANY many different ways. today happened to be a monetary blessing. other days he blesses me with good friendship. health. a house. friends paying for dinner. family. free shoes for Ava. 

I am by no means perfect and still falter in wondering if God will see our faithful hearts. I still occasionally use my credit card. but hear this -- God wants to bless you! he does bless you. you just have to be on the look out for that blessing. He will bless you when you cheerfully give back to him. set aside your tithe money first, so you don't accidentally spend it. give God your first fruits {Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops." Proverbs 3:9} what's that you say? "but I'm not a farmer...I don't have crops." well, I'm not a farmer either. but I can tell you that the 1st fruits refer to giving God your tithe before you spend any money on other things. give God his money first then you spend the rest as needed. this can be very hard to do and it might take some practice. but I tell you that God will not disappoint you. it will pay off. he will bless you. try it! 

saying bye bye & farewell to our summer!

last weekend we spent a long weekend in Kitty Hawk, NC soaking up the sun & enjoying the beach one last time before summer ends. we had loads of fun. relaxing on the beach. sand in our toes. sand in the mouth. and let's be honest...sand all over! salt in the air. a southern breeze. wave jumping. walks along the beach. zero temper tantrums. one accidental bloody nose collision. squinty sun-filled eyes. body surfing. family. meeting & talking to beach lovers like ourselves. sand laced pb & j sammies. sunny skies. and cloudy ones too. shell searching. ava napping on the beach {hallelujah!} laughs upon laughs. selfies on the beach. dairy queen ice cream. double dinner dates without kids. and seafoooooood.

ava is still in the "eating sand phase" so we of course had to watch her like a hawk while on the beach. she didn't eat too much the whole weekend. bryan & I went out in the water for a little bit. the waves were fierce & rip current warnings were all over so we didn't stay out long.

ava wasn't a huge fan of the big carolina waves...she's used to the small bay waves in virginia. she of course didn't mind daddy holding her at all! 

we did manage to get her to sit in the sand & play everyday. this sand bucket kept ava entertained. {how presh is she with her sunnies?!?} 

uncle bryan keeping an eye on the littles. israel. asher. titus. 

titus picking up all the shells & rocks he can get his hands on...such a boy! 

GeeGee keeping ava warm from the cloudy day with hooded towel cuddles. {kudos & thanks to my momma for watching our kids so we could go to dinner}  

kisses for little aves! 

jessica with sweet lorelei watching for kite surfers. 

a perfect display of her bubbly & excited personality. I just love it! 

I love these 2 more than anything. 

twinsies. best friends. ocean air. salty hair. 

hey --- it's hard to get 5 kids to all look at the camera at the same time. haha. so much personality in one picture!

"onward, to the beach!"  

titus & asher building sandcastles with daddy...who am I kidding...they were destroying the sandcastles that daddy built. haha

mommy & titus.

daddy & asher.

last day at the beach! see you next year! {we...well... I miss it already!} 

one thousand gifts

several months ago I was challenged by my sweet friend kristen to read the book "one thousand gifts" by ann voskamp. reading this book has been life changing. the dare is to live fully right where you are in life. "live full of grace and joy. it is possible, widly." the idea is to get a journal & write 1,000 gifts that you already have. not gifts that you want. write down the common everyday things thats you are grateful for. the small things. so I began my list:

1. children napping

2. thunder booming

3. hearing birds tweet & chirp

4. air conditioning that cools

no matter what your circumstance. no matter how difficult life seems. live fully.

19. faithful friends. Sarah. Abbey. Jenn

20. new friends. Amanda. Ashleigh

21. holding Ava - anytime of the day

22. the way Ava smells after bathtime

23. God's provision 

live fully. that's what I strive to do. that's my plan. each day comes with lots of great moments and some moments that are trying. but it is me that chooses how I will remember my days. will I take for granted the small moments? the moments that may not seem to matter? in her book, voskamp says, "do not disdain the small." if we miss the small moments, which make up the big moments, then we ultimately miss out on life. we miss out.

55. kisses on the neck

56. a spirit filled church

57. snuggles that last for minutes not seconds

I had recently been finding myself complaining. complaining about Ava whining. complaining about not wanting to go to the grocery store. or about Bryan coming home late from work. and then I heard it. wake up! look around and see all that is good. all that I do have. all that God has given me. I have been blessed. Ava might be whining, but she is alive and she is healthy! I may not want to go to the grocery store, but I do have a vehicle to get me there. and I do have enough money to pay for food. I do have an amazing husband who comes home to me every night after spending the day providing for our family. I cannot forget this. I cannot take these moments for granted.

87. sand between my toes

88. the flicker of fire from a candle

89. warmth from the sun

I am blessed. I am grateful. I am thankful.

130. pruned toes after bathtime

131. hearing mama come from Ava's lips

I choose to be grateful for what we have. for what has been given to us. to be grateful even when things don't go exactly the way I desire. voskamp also said this...this is good: "as long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible. joy is always possible." read that again. joy is always possible! when we choose to give thanks in all things then we will always possess joy. how amazing life would be! how it can be. but you see, this is not new. this concept isn't new. in the bible we read in 1 thessalonians 5:18, "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." God's will is for us to give thanks. from the beginning we are to give thanks. even in the deepest darkest tragedies there is always something to give thanks for.

152. Bryan's homemade chicken noodle soup 

153. a good pedicure

154. baking cookies

155. road trips with girlfriends

the next time you find yourself complaining. grumbling. suffering. unsatisfied. --- remember what you do have. remember what you are blessed with. remember to be thankful. grateful.

"being grateful for what we have today doesn't mean we have to have that forever. it means we acknowledge that what we have today is what we're supposed to have today. there is enough...and all we need will come to us."